Staring at giraffes


For a long time, I’ve used two categories (among others, of course) to classify people, to better understand how they function and the purpose toward which they use things in their lives.

Uppers vs. Downers

To me this actually references recreational drug use in a parenthetical way, something I’ve never been particularly interested in. But there’s a type of drug that has always been peripheral in my life, through no fault of my own.

I was born on April 20th.

Now if that date jars any thoughts in your head, you’re probably thinking

“Hey, that’s Hitler’s birthday!”


“Hey, 420. Sweet man.”

Or some version of the same.

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Diagram of a disabled person

This is a project I’ve had in mind for quite a while now. I created this image to get it out of my head and I’m pretty happy with it.

I’ve addressed some of my heath problems on this blog but there are several others that I haven’t written about yet. This sums it up in a nutshell.

I have had issues in the past stemming from the fact that I am disabled but don’t look like it. I’ve been told I’m too young, pretty, skinny, happy etc. to be disabled and that is total bullshit. Those things and disability are not mutually exclusive.

I’ve struggled to not be resentful when I am judged in this way. It’s hard not to feel guilty when you have to continue sitting in a train seat that in another life you would have given up to the apparently more needy than you. It’s even harder dealing with the assumptions from those around you that you are oblivious or just rude. It’s hard to maintain the level of self-care and preventative maintenance necessary for my health when I’m in public and worried about how I appear to others.

So for one thing, I’m trying to worry about it less. I know that “I do what I can when I can” so if I can give up my seat to someone at some point, you can bet I will do it. And I’ll try not to feel bad when I can’t. I’m going to forget the idea I’ve had of tattooing myself with a handicap placard so people will understand the position I’m in. I’m just not going to do that.

Secondly, I’m going to do my part at representing those with invisible illnesses and educating those that aren’t familiar with people like me. And I’m hoping my diagram might give some perspective.

Diagram of a Disabled Person 1

Silver Lining

One unfortunate thing led to two important things that happened last night. I slept for an hour and then was awake for an hour almost the entire night. That is until 5 when I couldn’t fall back to sleep at all, and was just awake until my alarm went off at 7:30 to get my daughter ready for school.

That unfortunate night of sleep allowed two things to happen. Firstly, I remembered a second benefit of Narcolepsy! I’m more contemplative and creative in the middle of the night than any other type of day. So last night I had about 5 hours of thinking time while lying in bed waiting to fall back to sleep. [On a side note, if I have too many days of inadequate sleep, it can kick-start a manic episode. And not a fun one, where I’m happy and spontaneous, but a nasty one where I’m irritable and irresponsible.]

Secondly, those 5 hours of thinking time led to a couple of great breakthroughs in regards to my screenplay project. I did some research last night on basic screenplay structure and how to arrange the scenes as cinematically interesting and plot efficient as possible. [I like to make up my own damn words. Why is cinematically not a word? It should be.] I realized that there was a lot of bloat in what I have outlined, because it is currently very close to what actually happened in my real life. I started to be able to see my real story from an outsiders perspective and thus able to change certain scenarios to a more movie compatible scene. I figured out clever ways to incorporate several elements into one scene as opposed to spread out through the movie.

Breakthroughs! Super inspiring breakthroughs! Thank you, sh-tty night of sleep! Thank you, Narcolepsy!