I woke up yesterday at 4:30 am in searing and literally blinding pain. My eyes were swollen and what felt like, on fire.
I’m not very liberal with my “number your pain” scale. I’m quite judicious about not using those higher numbers unless necessary. But this was a solid 9. It was a toe curling, can’t hold still, clutching your head between your hands 9.
I went to the Emergency Department. Luckily since it was Independence Day, my inlaws were home to care for the kiddos. Unluckily, my crying woke them up and as they’ve never seen me cry like that before, they might be slightly traumatized now.
As I was sitting on the ER bed rocking back and forth, trying to keep from scratching my own eyeballs out, the doctor went into the wrong room so I had to wait an extra 30 mins. In horrific pain. In my eyeballs.
They gave me eye numbing medication finally but I couldn’t take them home with me. They gave me other drops to help me heal and they gave me a narcotic so I could sleep and keep my eyeballs in my head.
That’s all I did yesterday. Cry and sleep and not see anything.
Today I can open my eyes without stabbing pain so I’m following up with a different doctor.
I’m sitting in an eye exam chair and they keep asking me which is better, 1 or 2. These questions stress me out. What if I pick the wrong answer? What if they know it should really be the other one and they know I’m panic answering and my eyes will be screwed up forever?
So they said I could have just really scratched my eye and that’s it. They also said since I woke up out of the blue like this it could be this thing where your own eyelid scrapes off the top layer of cells from the front of your eye. He said it can happen regularly to some people. Recurrent Corneal Erosion. Fuck the hell out of that shit.
I won’t know if I’m a newly minted member of that unlucky group until it happens again.
Please let me be lucky this time. I never want to have self-inflicted-eye-gouge induced pain again.