It’s really a light this time (not a train) 

I have been having a hard time this year. I’m in a shitty situation that I haven’t been able to fix yet. And I’ve let myself wallow in it for far too long.

That’s over now. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel. Mostly because I put my damn foot down and decided it’s time to fix this shit. But also because I’m getting close to a time when I can actually do something.

Almost. I’m almost there.

We are going to move out. I’ve put the deadline at September but my hopes are that it will be much sooner than that. I don’t have the details but it’s going to happen. That should make me hate everything a lot less than I do now.

I will finish my Accutane and that should help improve my mood. Maybe make me be less cranky. Also it already has for the most part but should finish getting rid of the incredibly painful and embarrassing cystic acne that having my son left me with for the last 3 years. No complaints from me there.

I have a few doctors appointments planned to discuss new coping methods for this increase in pain I’ve had this year. So any improvement in that arena will help a lot!

If those things don’t vastly improve my current situation than I can start on a new medication regimen for my depression and bipolar disorder. It’s been several years since I’ve tried any new medications and my new psychiatrist might have some different things to try to see how they affect me.

So that a plan on 4 different fronts. I have to say that with all things considered life will be vastly improved in the next 6 months. It might not be perfect. It might not be what I’ve been waiting for the last 3 years.

But if there’s something that I’ve gotten good at in my life, it’s finding the silver lining. Looking for the good in everything and always reminding myself that things could always be worse. But things will never get better if I don’t work for it.

Life is a lesson on learning to adjust. I have been through some shit in my life, some I’ve touched on here on the blog but most of it I haven’t quite gotten to yet.

I’ve been told that I am strong to have gone through what I have and to still be standing. But I maintain, like I have said before. What other option is there?

I won’t quit. I won’t be beaten. I will keep going and striving and struggling until I’m dead. That is the only option. And that’s the one I choose.


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