Bipolar Disorderly Conduct

I’m starting to lose faith in My No Med Journey.

I posted earlier about my interesting new symptom friend, Delusion. And then I went and had a full blown panic attack and crying fit. That never happens to me. I never cry for myself.

And the only way I could calm myself down was by taking a deep (and metaphorical) hit off the object of my delusion.

Fuck. I’m supposed to be getting better. Or at least normal right?

So it seems to me that things are starting to fall apart. I’m not sure I have a handle on this no med journey anymore and that is so frustrating.

I am doing this with purpose. I was doing this with a plan.

Things were supposed to be shit for a while coming off the meds and then I was supposed to get normal and then maybe have an episode or two so I could come up with a new plan.

So what the fuck is this? I wasn’t supposed to fall out of my med hangover into a new and terrifying trench of shit. This was not the plan.

Now where do I file the paperwork charging my Bipolar Disorder with disorderly conduct?

It’s not cooperating. And I’m not happy about it.

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2 thoughts on “Bipolar Disorderly Conduct

  1. will you be getting back on medication? sometimes we’re doing good on medicine and take the sign of doing good as if we are all better and dont need them, not realizing that its the medicine that’s making us feel better… i dont know your full story but i hope it helps…

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  2. The backstory is that I’m been almost constantly medicated for the last 15 years. I’ve developed some health problems outside of bipolar and ended up on quite a few medications in general. I went off the meds under the supervision of my doctors just to kind of see what’s what when I’m not medicated. So it’s an experiment. I’ve only been off for 2.5 months.

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