Self-less Self-care

Do you ever feel hollow?

Like somehow, you’ve been emptied of everything.

Emotions, ideas, motivation, words, laughter, empathy, personality…

Do you ever wake up and wonder how you became a robot?

Maybe someone scooped out your soul with a melon baller while you slept?

Do you ever feel so numb that you feel disconnected from everyone, even yourself?

Like you are somehow, this little impenetrable cube of memories that has been disconnected from all of your body parts and emotions?

This happens to me sometimes.

I’ve never tried to put it into words before.

I just know that I am numb.

I struggle to feel anything on days like today.

Is it part of bipolar disorder? I’ve never really asked.

Is it a defense mechanism for being so sensitively empathetic?

I’m not sure. Does it matter why? Or just that it happens?

What do you do when you are empty on the inside?

When you feel neither joy or sadness. Pride or shame.

I’m not sure what to do with this numbness.

I’m just a black hole sitting here sucking in the universe and feeling nothing.

I’m sure I’ll feel better tomorrow.

I’m sure I’ll remember how to smile tomorrow.

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