Since I’m new to the blogging realm, posting on this blog isn’t second nature to me yet. So I instead I put this post on Facebook even though that’s not the kind of thing I usually post and kind of exactly why I started this blog. To be more honest, open, and real than I think my Facebook circle is interested in or ready for. So here’s my halloween post, a day late.
” I’m gonna rant for a minute because my heart hurts. If anybody thinks I have a great gig being sick enough to be disabled so I don’t have to work and I get to spend all blissful day with my family and everything is awesome, let me tell you, it’s not. I have taken my daughter trick or treating every year and this is my son’s first year really old enough to trick or treat and I’m not there because I haven’t been able to get off the couch today. It’s breaking my heart that they are out there without me and I am missing it.
I don’t post about my illnesses often because I don’t want pity and I try to be as positive as I can. But I think invisible illnesses are important to talk about, especially the mental illness aspect. Living with chronic illness is not a walk in the park. And it’s not just living with the pain everyday. My life is flying by and I miss so much of it because I’m sick. That hurts all by itself. I wouldn’t wish this for myself or anyone else.”
This is one of the reasons I started this blog, to be able to open up about what it is like to be a chronically ill disabled 33 year old married mother of 2. It’s not a very common category to find yourself in, yet it is out there. And only one of the various categories I find myself in. That is why my blog is titled what it is. A normal abnormal life. Or visa versa. I’m not sure which I settled on to be honest.
And I’m not entirely sure that I spelled visa versa right. I think not. I used to be damn near perfect at spelling but that is a symptom of my cognitive dysfunction. I’ve forgotten a lot of what I used to know. That’s one thing this blog will not be. Perfect. If I had started a blog 10 years ago, it’d be completely composed of perfectly spelled, grammatically (spelled that wrong twice before I got it right) correct, deep and profound prose. But this will be train of thought, imperfect and possibly incorrect but as honest as my swiss cheese brain is able to make it. Also to give a clear picture of what this process is really like, I won’t, for example, pause the writing of this entry to look up if that is the correct, original latin way to spell visa versa, or how many commas would be correct in this run on sentence, even though my brain is itching to do so. I’ve been a die hard perfectionist for a very long time and it has been an everyday struggle to change my expectations of myself. I am a flawed human being and I have to learn to be happy with doing my best instead of striving for perfection.
I am a work in progress and the work continues.